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How Friendships Change Over Time

Growing up is tough. It’s as much about losing things as it is about finding them. It’s as much about lying to yourself as it is about discovering truth.

When we’re young, we seek to control. However unconsciously, it’s our animalistic survival instinct. The matter of our minds conditions us to control who we are, what we like, and how we interact with the world. When we’re young, we want to be too cool for school, and that’s all that really matters to us because that’s all we really know. We’re hungry to fit in, thirsty for popularity, and all too impatient for kindness. Why did it use to be so cool to be so mean? We seek recognition and security in situations that don’t support the evolution of our consciousness, mostly because we don’t yet know what consciousness is. When we’re young, it’s all about avoidance, and as we mature, we recognize and we learn to put our weapons down.

When I was in sixth grade, I was a terror (read: a total nightmare of a schoolgirl). The books I read and the shows I watched taught that me that the only way I would ever have or keep friends would be to control them and hold them accountable for making me feel purposeful and complete. My peers all had the same concept in mind, hence the decade long War On Acceptance. We didn’t know any better. It wasn’t until my latter years in college that I finally felt the erroneous absurdity of all that I’d known about what it means to be a friend. I was going crazy, because I had been opening myself up to too many people that told me I was. This is no friendship. This is no relationship. This is debilitation, and death.

So what changed? When did I finally realize that it was okay to put my weapons down and embrace more of a Make Love Not War sensibility? Maybe I just got tired of fighting for my freedom? Maybe my priorities changed? Or, maybe, it was because I finally sparked up a gal pal connection that gave me more immediate support and ceaseless understanding that seemed too good to even be real. I didn’t have to ask, all I had to do was receive.

So maybe it’s not necessarily your friendships themselves that have changed (because even the most deep-in-the-trenches relationships can flicker a beam of hope), but it’s more about what you are now willing to give and receive from another.

Over time, it’s inevitable for our priorities to change. Sometimes it even happens overnight. We must look at our priorities as separate beings entirely. They’re here to guide us into living our our Highest Truth; in friendships, romance, career, health.

You want to grow, you want to soar! Do me a favor: close your eyes, and ask yourself what your closest friendships look like when all that physical fluff is blocked out. What colors and scents do they take on? More importantly, what do they feel like? Do they feel warm, fuzzy, and everlasting? Or do they temporarily feel cold, competitive, and hurtful? It’s in our hurt that we learn compassion; it’s in our hurt that we in turn learn how not to do the same.

Stick with those that make you feel purposeful, boundless, and alive! Stick with those that will eat superfood salad dressings and drink teas of unpronounceable herbs with you. Even when they don’t know what it all means but are willing to do it anyways. Be willing to lose something you once knew. Be willing to to discover what it feels like to be in a not so healthy relationship, because once you do, a new dimension will begin to open up within you and lead you straight into Truth. And you’ll know Truth; it’s anything that feels just that much better.

That which is Truth can only be enhanced by a mature mate. That, my friend, is life.

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