The Guide to Living Orgasmically
WE ASKED THE EXPERTS ON HOW TO ACHIEVE PEAK SATISFACTION
It’s the grey between the physical and the metaphysical that can be the most expansive to explore. And what straddles multiple universes more than an orgasm? The electric ecstasy that is at one time all physical, and equally out-of-body.
An orgasm is also an excellent example of how something can be healing at the primal and spiritual level. Nature aims to encourage that kind of behavior. To explore this firey, sexual energy, we tapped experts to help us capture an orgasm’s essence, and distill it into our everyday.
Single. Coupled. Sexually frustrated or looking for the next level. There are lessons here for us all on how to live a more dynamic, satisfying orgasmic life and connect back to your body in a deep, meaningful way.
What is an orgasm (really)
Plainly, an orgasm is a climactic, physical release of sexual tension. But we all know it’s more than that—its power lies far beyond the bedroom. Sexuality and creativity spark from the same chakra, the sacral center below our abdomen. Hani Avital, the founder of Sheelah, the female sensuality empowerment platform, speaks to it most eloquently: “Sexuality is our life force. The more we cultivate that energy in everything we do, the more alive we will feel. Period.”
How Many Types Are There?
Conflicting research and information inform us how to get to that magical place of satisfaction. For years, all we heard about was the G-spot, but that has been discredited and expanded to an entire G-zone. For some time it was purported that it was not possible for a woman to achieve orgasm during intercourse....and the search continues.
The latest findings indicate that there are multiple types of female orgasms, giving us the opportunity to find out what works best for our unique body. Since female sexuality was considered taboo for much of the 20th century, science is still uncovering all of the beautiful complexity of the female anatomy, and what causes us to feel that whole body ecstasy that is so readily available to men. The Journal of Sex Medicine conducted a study in 2013 that shed light on two different types of orgasm: The Vaginal and the Clitoral. During the study, healthy female volunteers were stimulated externally as well as through penetration.
The findings from sonographic imaging during the study showed that different forms of stimulation to different anatomical parts of the body still lead to orgasming. Additionally, the viral video from Professor Barry Komisarek showing MRI images of a woman’s brain when orgasming suggests that different areas (80 different areas in fact) of the brain are activated depending on the place where a woman is stimulated.
The Many Benefits of the Big O
Aside from the immediate feeling of euphoria after a good orgasm, Alisa Vitti, nutritionist, women’s hormone expert and author of Woman Code: Perfect Your Cycle, Amplify Your Fertility, Supercharge Your Sex Drive, and Become a Power Source explains how pleasure can enhance your overall wellbeing.
Natural Detoxification: Sex provides overall lymphatic massage, helping your body’s natural detoxification process to improve digestion and mood.
Boosted Healthy Hormones: Orgasms spike levels of nitric oxide and DHEA, a hormone that improves brain function, balances the immune system, helps maintain and repair tissue, and promotes healthy skin.
Regulated Estrogen: Regular orgasms promote healthy estrogen levels to keep the vaginal tissues supple and protect against osteoporosis and heart disease.
Increased Circulation: Orgasms improve circulation to organs in the pelvic cavity and help regulate your periods. In fact, women who have intercourse at least once a week are more likely to have normal menstrual cycles than women who are celibate or who have infrequent sex.
Aging Gracefully: The youthful glow that we crave could benefit from sex as much as any expensive skin serum or dermatologist visit. One study actually showed that making love three times a week in a stress-free relationship made participants look a full decade younger.
The Mental Piece of Desire
Regardless of your romantic status, the way you feel about yourself is a key ingredient to stoking your libido. We asked doula and self-described “radical woman’s health care provider,” Jillian Lynch about setting orgasmic intentions, harnessing your sexual fire, and getting the mind primed for sex.
Can you talk about this idea of setting “orgasmic intentions”?
The internal landscape of our mind is rich with intention setting. Every belief we feed, every thought we nurture creates the very fabric of our reality. Most of us are completely unconscious of this incredible power and our ability to harness it. During orgasm/s we release incredible amounts of energy, stress, and tension from our bodies. Reaching orgasmic and multi-orgasmic states requires a significant amount of surrender. When we are vulnerable and receptive we can reach extreme states of ecstasy and can act as a channel for universal energy to flow through and around us. As someone who believes deeply in the power of thought and intention setting, it makes absolute sense to me that we ought to use the powerful energy of orgasm as a catalyst for change in our lives and in the world. Why not start changing the picture of our internal landscape and the world, one orgasm at a time?
What’s the bigger picture of pleasure?
Women’s pelvic floors are the seat of our power, our root, our place of fire and when ignited can activate and drive us towards our greater purpose. Our sexuality, when harnessed for its transformational potential, can change the world. As women, life creators, and sustainers, holding the future generations in our wombs and hearts, we cannot allow our fires to burn out. We must stoke our fires and harness our greatest power for the sake of our children and our world. In my own experience I have found that the more connected I am to my pelvic floor, the more I actively give energy to charging up my vulva and my womb through visualization, meditation, masturbation, and sex with my husband, the more powerfully I feel myself in the world. When I am feeling deeply connected to my root, I feel more fire, passion, and clarity in all aspects of my life. The more charged up I am, the more productive, joyful, and intentional I am in my every action. Having three young children means I have to be very intentional about carving out the time to focus on my own passion and pleasure and it’s not always easy. Things certainly do still ebb and flow. But, I can always feel the benefit of making time and space to recharge my self sexually.
If we’re single, what are some things we can be doing to connect with this powerful feminine energy?
When I haven’t noticed desire surfacing for a while I will sometimes close my eyes and focus on my vulva, feeling her, visualizing the blood flowing to her. I may recall a particularly joyful, juicy orgasmic or sexual encounter. This almost always wakes me up to desire again. So often, it isn’t that our fires have burnt out but rather that we’ve forgotten, or perhaps never really learned how to stoke them. In our culture, there is so much focus on partners as the conduit for pleasure. So, when we don’t have a partner or we’re not feeling connected with the partner we have, many of us give up on pleasure. Perhaps we resent our circumstances or our partners for not delivering pleasure to us.
The truth is this: we’ve got to be willing to turn ourselves on. Many of us have never learned the art of self-pleasure. I cannot express more seriously how important this is. I have a husband, and we have been through a lot together, including three children, financial stress, near divorce, etc. During those times I felt he wasn’t meeting my needs. Now I understand that it was me that wasn’t meeting my needs. During periods when we struggle to connect sexually and even when we are connecting, I like to carve out ample time for self-pleasure and masturbation. This actually drives my desire and makes me want to connect more in all aspects of my life, including with my husband.
Final thoughts: Find Your Fire
“Base decisions off of the pleasure scale. Constantly ask yourself ‘What will bring me more pleasure? A hot bath or a steamy shower? A quiet night at home or hitting the dance floor? Sex with my lover or greatly needed sleep? Deep fried chicken or a big leafy salad?’ Now your mind might always think that deep fried chicken is more pleasurable, but I bet your body would disagree. And what are orgasms? Waves of energy that we feel in our body.” —Hani Avital
“Quit the things that drain your adrenals (at least temporarily). That means taking a break from stimulants like caffeine for at least a month and seeing if some added low-to-moderate intensity exercise every day switches off your stress.” —Alisa Vitti
“Schedule self-pleasure. That means literally blocking off 30 minutes in your busy week to use just your hands and fingers (no toys) to get the biggest nitric oxide bang for your buck.” —Alisa Vitti
“Let foreplay happen all day. It’s how we kiss our partner good morning. It’s the flirtatious verbal exchange we have with our grocer. It’s how we choose to dress and style our hair. It all adds up. Every little choice you make in the direction of pleasure. You will be so much more in the mood to dance sexually with your lover if you’ve spent the entire day being turned on.” —Hani Avital